Do you still have your period?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
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Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i out mim tonsoeep
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