oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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