I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
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What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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