so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize