I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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