What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize