I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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