i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
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This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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