Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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