guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize