i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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