i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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