Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize