The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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