I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
