Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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