I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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