The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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