I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
How's work?
Spinning.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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