it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
