Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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