we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
