you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
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We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize