i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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