I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
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Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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