I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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