Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
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Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
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You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize