you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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