god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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