It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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