the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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