i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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