I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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