The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize