How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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