you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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