This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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