I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Randomize