You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize