He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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