YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
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I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
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I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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