Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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