The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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