I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
that may or may not have been my penis.
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