I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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