I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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