I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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