You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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