I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
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Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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