Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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