omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize