The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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