I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I intend to get homeless drunk
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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